Frequent readers of Musings already know that I'm not a perfect person. Here is a story that will extend my less-than-perfect persona to the point that there is no doubt.
For years I bowled on a bowling league. I never carried much more than a one-forty average. Part of the reason was because we all started drinking beer the moment we walked into the bowling alley. One night, not quite ready to go home, two fellow bowlers and I went to a local bar, the Samurai.
The Samurai was owned by a Japanese man with a passion for rock and roll. A live band played there almost every night, the place almost always filled with revelers of both sexes. We sat at the bar, ordering shots and sushi from a very friendly bartender named Patty.
Patty had long brown hair that draped her bare shoulders. She had big brown eyes and a smile to match. She also had something else big and her scanty tank top highlighted them to their best effect. Finally, I made some crude comment and offered her a twenty to show us her breasts. When she eagerly complied, we practically fell off our bar stools.
It was Friday night and I was having a party the next day following a 10K race being run through the neighborhood. I pulled out my wallet, a business card and a hundred dollar bill. After drawing a map to my house on back of the card, I gave it to the pretty bartender, along with the hundred dollars.
"I'll pay you a hundred dollars, in advance, to come lay out at the pool - naked that is. All you'll have to do is drink, sun and have a good time."
I fell asleep from over indulgence shortly after reaching the house. The next morning, I filled chests with ice and beer in preparation for the party. After completing the 10K through the neighborhood, I climbed in the shower, surprised when Anne banged on the glass door to tell me that a girl named Patty was on the phone.
Oh my God! I thought, suddenly remembering the previous night. "What does she want?" I asked, praying it would be to tell me she wasn't coming.
"She said you gave her a hundred dollars to lay out by the pool naked? Is it true?"
By now my head was throbbing. Grabbing a towel, I went to the phone to talk to Patty. As I dripped on the tile with phone in hand, Anne stood glaring at me.
"Look, last night was all a misunderstanding. I'm having a party but there will be families here, kids and everything.”
Anne took the phone and said, “You're welcome at the party but bring a bathing suit."
I watched her hang up the phone, wishing I could transport myself to a different universe. Instead, I blurted the whole story to her. Frowning, she just shook her head. The party went on as planned with fifty or sixty guests. Yes, Patty showed up in a very revealing bikini. The males guests were happy, their wives less so.
Anne was a real lady and realized that I had done little more than make a total fool of myself. It had embarrassed her. Still, she forgave me when I apologized and promised it would never happen again, and it never did. That brings me back to the part about being less than perfect. Anne knew me well enough to know that there would always be something else to try our marriage.